Marriage is ordained of God.
(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
As a rookie to marriage, having been married 3 1/2 months now, I have limited experience and minimal counsel regarding marriage and family life. However, I have been studying about marriage and the family the last 5-6 months and have learned a thing or two I wish I had known prior to courtship, engagement, and marriage. This short article will discuss briefly parts of the why of marriage and the how to prepare to have a happy marriage. I would greatly appreciate your insights and counsel in the comments.
Why is Marriage So Awesome?
Doctrinal Teachings
"By divine design, men and women are intended to progress together
toward perfection and a fulness of glory. Because of their distinctive
temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage
relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman
contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be
achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and
the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually
strengthen and bless each other. 'Neither is the man without the woman,
neither the woman without the man, in the Lord'."
--David A. Bednar
(1 Corinthians 11:11; italics added) (World Wide Leadership Meeting, 2006)
"...Marriage is ordained of God unto man. Wherefore,
it is lawful that [a man] should have one wife,
and they twain shall be one flesh, and all this
that the earth might answer the end of its creation"
(D&C 48:15-16; emphasis added).
"Simply summarized, the earth was created that families might be."
--President Russell M. Nelson
(April 2000, General Conference)
(April 2000, General Conference)
God's work and his glory is for His sons and daughters to live the life He lives, eternal life. The life God lives is in the family unit, married to our Heavenly Mother.
"In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare;
Truth is reason—truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there."
(“O My Father,” Hymns, no. 292)
Those who marry by the new and everlasting covenant (temple marriage) can receive exaltation and God's glory, "which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever" (D&C 132:19). This is God's plan for us, thus celestial marriage is a foundational element of this plan.
Personal Experience
I have never been happier as an individual as I have being married. For those of you who have served missions, imagine your favorite companion, what were some of the characteristics and attributes that made this companion one of your favorites? For me, I got along best with missionaries who first and foremost were on the same page as me spiritually, who had a similar vision and purpose. While there were other important factors that influenced the ease of unity and strengthened the bond of friendship, being on the same spiritual plane was most influential. Throughout my dating experience this was my number one. Being married to my wife Almendra, though she is definitely more in tune with the Spirit and in many other ways is so much more than I am, being on the same spiritual plane has been extremely rewarding.
What was it like being with your favorite companion, especially in contrast to more difficult companions? Imagine the friendship, unity, laughter, spiritual experiences, miracles, trials, you went through. Now image if you had a companion with a lot of, though likely not all of, those positive attributes of the opposite sex who you found extremely attractive, and with whom you could share sacred physical expressions of affection? That's pretty much what marriage is like. Each morning you wake up next your best friend, you pray together, you work together as one even though you may be apart, you stay up late together doing homework, you clean your apartment/house together, etc. Imagine all of the daily tasks you do each day, but having your best friend waiting at home. I'm certainly not an exceptionally skilled writer, but I hope you can get an taste of what the joys of marriage can be like.
Marriage isn't all fun and games, however. The sealing ordinance includes covenants of sacred significance. Marriage requires sacrifice. In fact, if you do not sacrifice for your marriage it is likely an unhappy one. Marriage is not 50/50. Rather marriage is each partner giving 100%. "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else" (D&C 42:22). The only person we are to ever put before our spouse is God, with our spouse always a close second. That means you forfeit the match in the middle of a video game to help when a wife calls for you, that means your spouses happiness is a greater priority than watching that episode on Netflix, and that certainly means giving up watching the game that night to have a date night with your eternal companion.
While dating it can be difficult to imagine or experience what it will actually be like being married. Engaged couples might often think primarily of the pros of physical intimacy. However, they may not consider or anticipate things such as their spouses little daily habits that have the potential to drive you up the wall. Imagine being awakened by your spouse's alarm who proceeds to sleeps right through it when you don't have to wake up early that day. Imagine coordinating cooking schedules, car sharing, doing taxes, paying bills, and doing work/homework. Marriage is not a honeymoon of infinite duration. It involves some pain and some sorrow. If it didn't, you would never appreciate the joy of marriage.
Marriage is also not just a legalization of sex. While sexual intimacy is an important and desirable element of marriage, it is the crown, the tip, the cherry on top. It is not, however, the base, foundation, nor the meat and potatoes of the marriage relationship. Physical expressions of affection are extremely powerful, and are to women especially a symbol of love, commitment, and emotional connection. It is sin to indulge in any degree of physical intimacy in our outside of marriage to satisfy your personal lusts. I believe no one should ever kiss another at least until they can say with honesty and integrity, "I love you deeply". I experienced, as many couples courting, and especially engaged couples, do, the temptation to be overly focused on the physical. All the things you can't do with you're boyfriend/girlfriend, or what you will be able to do with your current fiance. My advice to anyone, especially those entering into a relationship would be to hold off the physical affection longer and more than what feels natural. "For the natural man is an enemy to God..." (Mosiah 3:19). By that I mean when you feel like pulling a move like putting your arm over her shoulder on the first or second date, try waiting until the third or fourth. I mean stopping the kissing sessions, and protect yourself by limiting yourself to only a goodnight kiss. You will never regret being too far on the safe side physical intimacy.
While there is much I haven't said, especially concerning whom to marry and what to do when marriage candidates are slimming, I would love your counsel and insights, especially from the scriptures and teachings of the prophets, in the comments. I know that family is ordained of God! Marriage is essential to God's eternal plan and it is so worth it!
This is so well-written and a joy to read! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you J
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